Thursday Thirteen --things I learned this week

1. Aaron has double ear infections and strep
2. my dog has cancer
3. the IRS is powerful
4. I need a raise
5. doug needs a new job * before * they cut his job too
6. my front steps are dissappearing....
7. depression/bipolar is real - please Alex hang on tight!
8. so many people live in denial about everything
9. my mom saved my ass yet again ;o)
10. I'm SO over all the political theories and drama *GAG*
11. Mama needs a blackberry.....
12. the house remodel ... it needs to be finished. NOW. before I go loco!!!
13. I have huge social phobias.....now thats a whole other post in itself!

really??

No, really I couldn't come up with this on my own. In the last 3 months, Alex has lost a friend to suicide, been offered drugs and condoms, and now his other friend has run away from home. The drugs , not a big shocker, we live in small , shall we say .. fairly impoverished community where I know many parents of the boys classmates that are doing time for drugs. The condoms? a little surprised... I assured Alex he had no need for those for another 20 years. HA! I amuse even myself sometimes. His friends suicide? still seems surreal. Now his friend running away ... wow. I think anyone reading this would think we must live in a large city , and perhaps on the wrong side of the tracks. How wrong that assumption would be... incredibly, the town we live in has a population of about 700. One Stop light. No fast food joints. The post office still closes for lunch time. Yes, its very small town America, and an incredible reminder that these issues are REAL . As a parent, I can only hope on a wing and a prayer that somewhere in his 14 year old mind he is making good solid decisions. However I must add that I do monitor his cell phone, text messages, myspace page... well you get it . I'm not intrusive. Just informed. Teenagers are exhausting, I'm sure he is already two steps ahead of me on something....

Valentines Day

"The happiest couples know that big romance lives in the smallest moments.
So keep your champagne and caviar, your roses and candlelight. We'll take the
simple, sweet memories that breathe love into every day"

velcro shoes

About a month ago we took the boys to a Columbus Blue Jackets hockey game. It was sitting there in the arena that I noticed the lady in front of me. She had a daughter about Alex's age , and she was wearing velcro tennis shoes. Admittedly I am weird. I get that. I fear those velcro tennis shoes. They weren't the cute little velcro shoes you can get, but full blown big white tennis shoes with velcro closures. I can see a decline in my own style , scary but true. I've been reduced to sweatshirts and yoga pants out of pure convenience ( I can see Stacy and Clinton cringe right now! ) Believe me I'm not a fashionista nor do I strive to be . Somehow I don't know how to be 33. Its like I'm stuck . I'm not ready for velcro tennis shoes, but I'm completely not willing to sacrifice comfort on any level anymore. I'm not liking my thirties at all.

my own reminder

The Hamster and The Wheel

You might be thinking this really is about a hamster. You would be wrong, well in the literal sense. This week has been challenging to say the least. I'm certain I've reached a whole new level of exhaustion with a list of "things" to do that is longer then ever! Frustrating to say the least . I just keep getting this mental picture of being like the hamster on the wheel , the faster the hamster runs , the faster the wheel goes . Then I try to figure out HOW I managed to get the wheel to go so fast. When did this insanity start? Trust me, I would be a happy little chubby hamster walking the wheel if I had my way . I have been microscoping my life trying to figure out where the chaos seeps in at, how I can plug the leak , and slow down the wheel before I fall off ! Perhaps part of my problem is thinking that as the kids got older things would be easier . Boy. Was. I . Wrong.
I call that ignorance on my behalf. The challenges that come with teenager-ism , I don't have words for. With 2 more approaching those years , I'm cringing. I don't want to seem like I'm whining , because I know everyone goes through this - some worse - some easier. I grudgingly can now sympathize with my parents for all the hair brained things I did .
All I can say is that I'm glad its Friday , I'm putting behind the 3 basketball games, 2 orthodontist appt, 2 doctors appt, 2 parent teacher conferences, birthday party, bowling teams , and my 40+ hours a week at my J-O-B behind me. I'm going to start this next week with a new perspective and its going to be good , no more visions of hamsters and giant never ending wheels!

The Bleacher Screamers

I vow to never become one of those "people" at the kids sporting functions who screams out crazy words and accusses the refs of making bogus calls. Its like I enter a whole new realm when I go to a sporting event with any of the boys! Parents become beasts! These are the very same lovely people whom I do fund raising with, who can hold intelligent conversation , and have careers! What happens to them when the enter that gym or ball field?? I actually had an adult lady and I use the term loosley - mention as she walked by our seats tonight and say --Don't worry your team won't lose , the refs will help you--- ummmmm yeah she was pissy and hateful. In WHAT world is ever ok to act like that??its Junior High Basketball. Does anyone else get that? I guess its just one of those pet peeves of mine, be positive, be realistic, you win some , you lose some. Why is every sport sooooooo serious?? Yes, I think its important for them to play - their are some good lessons out there to be learned- however - who are the crazy parents screaming about unfairness - who and what are they helping out by being loud and obnoxious?? maybe I'm just an old prude, but please can't they just sit and watch the game and be positive ! We don't need to sugar coat the reality --- but we don't need to sit and yell negative foul words at the kids either! Yes my worst nightmare ... the high strung soccer mom who thinks she has the perfect offspring.... screeching over the noise that her kid needs to get the ****in ball and score some points cuz obvioulsy the other teammates are incapale. Now ... what kind of example is that to our sponge like teenagers?? ugh...I can never wrap my head around being a bleacher screamer.

lists

Lists - I am all about lists . I am the queen of lists I have lists for eveything you could imagine ! If it doesn't make it on my list ... its not going to be taken care of , remembered, thought of ...etc.
So I've decided to make yet another list of 100 things - big- things that I need to accomplish, work on , and motivate me!
1- organization - you would think a crazy list lady would be organized... wrong...
2-find a church that doesn't freak me out and go
3-financial awareness! With Dougs job at Luk being so unstable ... I'm going to be a crazy penny pinching lady!
4-fit a family vacation plan into that crazy money pinching scenario
5-introduce my boys to Uncle Dick from West Virginia
6-have another baby - wish my mommy horomones would knock it off!
7-go to the gym , I have a membership ... unused....
8-let go of the past or portions thereof
9-teach my kids compassion and humility
10-spend more time on my front porch
11-spend less time worrying
12-learn to breathe
13-learn to say NO
14-go to Las Vegas
15-make better meals - what a challenge when your constantly on the fly!
16-work on self esteem with the boys
17-build a deck in my backyard
18-learn how I can contribute to animal shelters
19-drink less pop --more water
20-foster parenting - intrested in it
21-patience - I need tons
22-remember to charge my phone
23- remember where all the chargers are for Ipods, and game systems
24-go on an african safari - thats a total dream for me
25-quit yelling
26-go to washington dc
27-dispel racism when it comes in my path
28-sit down and acutually watch movies with my family
29-let go of the bitterness in me
30-finish my degree
31-visit my friend Cindy in NC
32-being positive
33-overcoming my social phobia's
34-invite friends over
35-work on Alex's seizures-- less is better!
36-start an epilepsy support group in this area
37-debunk all the mental health myths
38-a coach bag would be nice
39-to take my sister on vacation
40-plant a garden this year
41-get a ginourmous bathtub
42-learn to laugh more
43-read all the books I've been meaning too
44-release the anger
45-camping- somewhere wild and wooly
46-teach Alex that siezures do not define him
47-stop letting people walk all over me
48-encourage doug in his journey
49-finish moving Alex to the basement
50-take andy fishing more often
51- picnics - lots of picnics
52-buy more flip flops - they make me happy ;o)
53-stop procrastinating
54-I'm going to be a ray of sunshine !!!!
55- simplify my world -give away what I don't use
56-clip my mothers toe nails .... because I'm just that nice...
57-stop the bickering between the boys - and teach them to appreciate each other
58-I'm letting bygones be bygones
59- trying very hard to not pass judgement on people
60- I would love to meet up with the ladies of Orange County
61- pretty sure thats not going to happen LOL
62-I'd like to be more aware of people around me that I can help -
63-pick my own blueberries
64-own a motorcycle
65-visit new york city
66-teach my boys to be positive and keep going after their dreams
67-to finish up all the projects started a year ago
68-I would like to have a prison outreach program
69-to meet Stacey and Clinton
70-learn to find the silence to center and gather myself
71- learn who I am - I'm an evolving person ;o)
72-like to teach the boys about daddy's side of the family .....
73-a good cup of coffee and some quiet time
74-yoga - its on my list already
75-I'm going to stop letting the little crap get me all worked up!
76-I will thank god for something everyday
77- and I will teach that to the boys also!
78-learn to grow old gracefully
79-brush up on some computer courses
80-clean out the garage
81-embrace change
82-spend more time listening
83-be more adventorous
84- get back my mojo
85-build a snowman
86-get a picture of the doves that live on my house
87-be a strength to someone would may be feeling down
88-be a better friend
89-relax and have fun with the boys
90-teach the boys to believe in themselves
91-find my sense of humor again ....
92-learn to live in the moment
93-take an entire day all to myself to do whatever I want
94-create a calm enviorment in this house ...
95-learn to wake up in a good mood
96-say I love You's much more often
97-stand stronger in my convictions
98-learn to trust
99-stop being so grumpy
100-Amen