With my time spread thin , I've had several thoughts lately. I'm not sure they are even coherent at this point. First, when I accepted that I can't do it all or have it all, it forced me to prioritize how I spend my time, who I give my energy to, what values I have and what direction I am headed. There are those people in life who literally suck the life out of others, the ones that are selfish ,persons that will take advantage of your generosity, ones you can't trust, people who constantly stir up trouble. There are others who are miserable in their own lives and won't change the situation they are in. While I don't believe in wearing all your emotions on your sleeve, I definitely believe there is something called being "authentic".
I know people who have shut themselves off to emotion , to humankind . That's not where I want to be,but I'm drawing the line . Its long overdue to start trimming the people and situations in my life that are toxic. I think I'm done playing "Mrs. Nice" , and I'm ready to be" Mrs. Show me some respect".
Saturday, November 28, 2009
Sunday, November 22, 2009
Big Decisions
Leave it to Dr Seuss to give me a quote to remember ..
" sometimes the questions are complicated and the answers simple "
Maybe that makes it harder for me, I tend to believe there isn't ever a simple answer . I over think, over analyze, lets face it... I'm over the top sometimes. Which brings me to whats been going on these days. First , Doug and I have both started back to school. We have a long road to go, but its a start. We are both taking classes for Social Sciences but intend on using them in different ways.
Second, I'm thinking that somewhere in the near future I am sending Alex back to public school. I know .. * gasp * just the thought makes me break out in a sweat, just knowing how nasty some of the kids can be to him. I suppose my thought process with this is a bit all over, but , he asked if he could go back , he misses some friends and the routine. He is one of those that thrives on routine. The online school he is with , is not to gung-ho on routine. The teachers aren't readily accessible , and he is not thriving at all. I don't know that shoving him back into the old grind is the answer, so I plan on having a meeting with the powers that be to see if we can accommodate him a bit more. We will see. I know in the past I've been to stand offish with his teachers. Not so much these days.
The other decision we are making is to spend Christmas at the beach this year. Nothing extravagant, a simple condo with an indoor pool and all the goodies. A 4 night stay, not an entire week. Enough to get away and relax. My side of the family is not into the whole Christmas thing. In fact I am probably the only one on my side of the family that puts up a tree. Doug's family probably won't even notice we are gone , not that I'm saying that in a negative way, more like we all get caught up in our own mumbo jumbo and tend to forget each other sometimes. Nothing like a little Christmas Cheer these days...LOL. Maybe that's why I just wanted my boys to have a memorable Christmas , not with gifts , but memories.
Yes sometimes the answers are so simple. I just have a hard time accepting them.
" sometimes the questions are complicated and the answers simple "
Maybe that makes it harder for me, I tend to believe there isn't ever a simple answer . I over think, over analyze, lets face it... I'm over the top sometimes. Which brings me to whats been going on these days. First , Doug and I have both started back to school. We have a long road to go, but its a start. We are both taking classes for Social Sciences but intend on using them in different ways.
Second, I'm thinking that somewhere in the near future I am sending Alex back to public school. I know .. * gasp * just the thought makes me break out in a sweat, just knowing how nasty some of the kids can be to him. I suppose my thought process with this is a bit all over, but , he asked if he could go back , he misses some friends and the routine. He is one of those that thrives on routine. The online school he is with , is not to gung-ho on routine. The teachers aren't readily accessible , and he is not thriving at all. I don't know that shoving him back into the old grind is the answer, so I plan on having a meeting with the powers that be to see if we can accommodate him a bit more. We will see. I know in the past I've been to stand offish with his teachers. Not so much these days.
The other decision we are making is to spend Christmas at the beach this year. Nothing extravagant, a simple condo with an indoor pool and all the goodies. A 4 night stay, not an entire week. Enough to get away and relax. My side of the family is not into the whole Christmas thing. In fact I am probably the only one on my side of the family that puts up a tree. Doug's family probably won't even notice we are gone , not that I'm saying that in a negative way, more like we all get caught up in our own mumbo jumbo and tend to forget each other sometimes. Nothing like a little Christmas Cheer these days...LOL. Maybe that's why I just wanted my boys to have a memorable Christmas , not with gifts , but memories.
Yes sometimes the answers are so simple. I just have a hard time accepting them.
Monday, November 16, 2009
Happy Birthday Alex
Today my oldest baby turns 15! I simply cannot believe I am old enough to have a child this age! He has gone from this cute little chubby baby to a strong, kind hearted, young man. Ahhh its bittersweet! Hope you have an amazing 15 Alex!
Sunday, November 8, 2009
Friends & Family
Not long ago , someone had a conversation with me about family, this person told me how over the years she had learned that family is important but there are times, that its the family you make outside your family, that matters just as much. Not that she was saying family doesn't matter . Family always matters but choosing our battles can be so important. I can't say that I have much experience with extended family, a huge portion of family on both my parents sides are Amish. I've always regretted not having a closer relationship with them , my best guess is that I have over a hundred first cousins. Some of it I chalk up to crazy religious beliefs the Amish have when you leave the church, and some of it just a lack of effort on my part. Lately though I've been thinking about the friends I have made over the years , the ones that have stuck with me for years and years and the new ones I've made in the last year. I'm so appreciative of them, I find myself thinking I take so much from them and don't give back nearly enough. I'm not an easy person to know, I have lots of fences and walls that I keep people at bay with , but the friends that have dared to stick with me are amazing. I suppose you could say I've developed a new appreciation, a new respect, a new realization for those amazing people in my life, family or not.
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