These are my hands...

I sure hope I'm not jinxing him, but Alex is still seizure free. Its rather puzzling how the medication cocktail works. Just as quickly as the seizures appeared at age 4,they have disappeared... for now.
So this , really strange 2 months of seizure free life is peculiar. I have that feeling that Ricky Bobby had from Talledega Nights " these are hands.. uh I'm not sure what to do with them " and that's no exaggeration. Our routine, our day,every minute was planned around the looming next seizure.
I've always had this habit of thinking "if only Alex's seizures would go away, everything else would fall into place " ... that couldn't be further from the truth. When the focus came off the seizures, things that had been pushed under the rug came raging out. All the things that seemed to tiny, minute and pointless had the dust blown off and the ugly truth revealed. Relationships that sat stagnant for so long were awkward, even the simplest day seemed overwhelming. Suddenly Andy and Aaron had a brother who plays soccer & goes to school. I can't possibly describe the emotions. Not a single one of us knows how to act/react. Now the focus has shifted and I'm not sure I'm comfortable. I didn't know that being so overwhelmed with gratitude would bring along this tidal wave of emotion.

Before & After

I know, I've been gone awhile. I've changed my blog name, and have so much to write about. I can't possibly have the right words for this first post. The first picture is Alex before his new medications, and the bottom picture is after. (Notice the hope painting in the background). Alex has gone 2 months seizure free. He's back!!! He is the little (grown) boy that we all knew before seizures came and stole him. His eyes are ALIVE with life. Alex had been up to 8 medications without results, we dropped 3 medications, increased one and added a new one. This is the result! Are you kidding me?! I never let myself even dream that we could have 2 months seizure free. I never gave up hope, but I never teased myself with possibilities either... Alex's new doctor has given our family Alex back. There just aren't words..

Worth Sharing

The poem below was actually a forward in my email, but it really hit home so I decided to share it on my blog :)





Have you ever watched kids
on a merry-go-round
Or listened to the rain
slapping on the ground?

Ever followed a butterfly's erratic
flight
Or gazed at the sun into the fading
night?

You better slow down
Don't dance so fast
Time is short
The music won't last

Do you run through each day on the
fly
When you ask "How are you?"
do you hear the reply?

When the day is done,
do you lie in your bed
With the next hundred chores
running through your head?

You'd better slow down
Don't dance so fast
Time is short
The music won't last

Ever told your child,
We'll do it tomorrow
And in your haste, not see his
sorrow?

Ever lost touch,
Let a good friendship die
'Cause you never had time
to call and say "Hi"?

You'd better slow down
Don't dance so fast
Time is short
The music won't last When you run so fast to get somewhere
You miss half the fun of getting
there.
When you worry and hurry through your
day,
It is like an unopened gift....
Thrown away...

Life is not a race.
Do take it slower
Hear the music
Before the song is over.

Perspective

I've been thinking. I've been thinking that bloggers don't get nearly enough credit. I love reading blogs and I'm constantly checking on my favorite bloggers for new entries and new posts. When it comes to mine, I just stopped. Somehow I used to find it therapeutic to be able to put into words what was happening in our little corner of the world. Odd , because somehow my definition of what my life "should" be doesn't match what "is", I can't put it into words. Words are powerful, they give meaning. I can't put my world into words. I admire those that I read about, that so eloquently put their world into my home, let me in, and let me learn. Yet somehow I want to hunker in the corner with my head hung low because all I can see is my own shortcomings. Whose standards am I trying to live up to? Its exhausting.
I absolutely could not have predicted this last year. The man upstairs has been bending me like blacksmith bends iron. I should be grateful, I've been able to get some incredible insight into myself and others around me. Its given me direction, all the hammering has opened my eyes, so wide that I want to shut them just as quickly. I'm working on my gratitude, on seeing the glass half full. I'm working on putting on a fabulous pair of shades when the urge to close my eyes comes along. Its all about perspective... right?!

Belated Birthday!

January 23rd! To the one and only Andy! How many ways is this child like his father? let me count the ways!