Feeling Strange

I'm sure I should have a better word then strange. I don't . Its been a strange week. I've been sleepless, restless, spiritless. I've jumped at every sound, every movement, every peculiar thing. Stalking the unpredictable seizure & the neurologist that's out of town. I shouldn't complain, the doctors office called every day to check on Alex until he was back in the office today. The result was reprogramming his VNS implant, and adjusting meds, getting rid of one of the culprits that may have left the "big one" slip through. We also got a fresh script for Diastat ( the rectal gel that stops seizures ) we did not have any this time around since it had been 10 years . So ... I rest a smidge easier knowing I have that in the house.
Meanwhile, Andy and Aaron have returned from their trip to St Louis with my mom and dad, Aaron seems to have caught quite a cough. Hmmm... so now I wonder ... should I be worried about that?! I feel guilty, as if I have given all my energy to Alex and left the younger boys in limbo. I can't win this conversation with myself.
As for tomorrow, Alex is returning to public school, online-homeschooling just isn't for him. He will have a modified schedule with a late start written into his IEP so it allows for any medical issues. I'm uneasy about setting him loose again. I enjoyed having him under my wing the last few months, but at this point I have to accept that I am not the answer to his learning disabilities. I can't be sure public school is the answer, but I know the only private school in this area is 3,000.00 a year and the money fairy hasn't been visiting lately. Admitting defeat is a tough pill to swallow.
I'm looking forward to getting back into the swing of things. We are still scheduled to have Christmas on the Outer Banks. It will be good for all of us to get away and find some solitude and rest for a few days.
There is so much more going on but I suppose I will save that for another post. Just felt like writing tonight. So there ya have it. Strangeness!