Parenting: the most challenging endeavor in one's lifetime

I've been accused of thinking to much, but I can't help but wonder... am I raising successful men? I suppose everyone has a different opinion of success, but I'm referring to something bigger then material wealth. Have I taught them the important things in life? Will they have compassion, patience, and love in their hearts? Have I set a good example? Have I inspired something bigger inside them? I am less then a year away from having a full fledged "adult" son, and two more not far behind. I feel the clock ticking away from me so fast, suddenly all of my shortcomings in "motherhood" seem to be amplified. I'm not oblivious to reality, I know they will not always make the best choices,and have plenty of hard lessons learned. When the smoke clears though, will they have a good solid foundation? Someone once told me, Don't worry that children never listen to you; worry that they are always watching you
That is so true for me. Thinking about growing up, I remember what my parents did not what they said.
What a joyful/terrifying ride this is raising boys.

These are my hands...

I sure hope I'm not jinxing him, but Alex is still seizure free. Its rather puzzling how the medication cocktail works. Just as quickly as the seizures appeared at age 4,they have disappeared... for now.
So this , really strange 2 months of seizure free life is peculiar. I have that feeling that Ricky Bobby had from Talledega Nights " these are hands.. uh I'm not sure what to do with them " and that's no exaggeration. Our routine, our day,every minute was planned around the looming next seizure.
I've always had this habit of thinking "if only Alex's seizures would go away, everything else would fall into place " ... that couldn't be further from the truth. When the focus came off the seizures, things that had been pushed under the rug came raging out. All the things that seemed to tiny, minute and pointless had the dust blown off and the ugly truth revealed. Relationships that sat stagnant for so long were awkward, even the simplest day seemed overwhelming. Suddenly Andy and Aaron had a brother who plays soccer & goes to school. I can't possibly describe the emotions. Not a single one of us knows how to act/react. Now the focus has shifted and I'm not sure I'm comfortable. I didn't know that being so overwhelmed with gratitude would bring along this tidal wave of emotion.

Before & After

I know, I've been gone awhile. I've changed my blog name, and have so much to write about. I can't possibly have the right words for this first post. The first picture is Alex before his new medications, and the bottom picture is after. (Notice the hope painting in the background). Alex has gone 2 months seizure free. He's back!!! He is the little (grown) boy that we all knew before seizures came and stole him. His eyes are ALIVE with life. Alex had been up to 8 medications without results, we dropped 3 medications, increased one and added a new one. This is the result! Are you kidding me?! I never let myself even dream that we could have 2 months seizure free. I never gave up hope, but I never teased myself with possibilities either... Alex's new doctor has given our family Alex back. There just aren't words..